For years, I flirted with the idea of getting a tattoo. I constantly admired ink on strangers, and even visualize designs on my own skin. I used to tell anyone who would listen that my "alter ego" would have a full sleeve. But every time the moment came to take action, I hesitated. It wasn’t fear of pain that held me back; it was something deeper—an inability to trust myself with a permanent decision.
Beyond that, I also stopped myself because I was worried about what other people would think. What would it mean for me and the life I built? I was so used to trying to fit in, to do what was expected of me, to avoid rocking the boat. But this moment—this decision—was different. It was the biggest moment of finally doing something because I wanted to, of having the courage to go against the norm, to break free from the weight of expectations, and step fully into who I am.
How Alcohol Fueled My Indecision
That hesitation was a theme in my life, especially when I was drinking. I was someone who second-guessed everything, who always thought I was making a poor decision or missing something obvious despite impressive achievements. Drinking blurred my self-awareness, made me question my own instincts, and left me in a loop of indecision. If I could be so reckless with drinking then I couldn’t trust myself to make the right choices, so I followed the "expected path" rather than what I knew deep down I wanted to do.
The Shift in Sobriety
But sobriety changes things. It brings clarity, self-assurance, and a deepened connection to who you are. At over 400 days sober, I finally felt ready. Not just to get a tattoo, but to make a decision for myself—one that wasn’t clouded by alcohol or self-doubt.
An Artist Who Truly Listened
From the moment I met Snuffy, I felt at ease. He is a renowned artist who has tattooed Pete Davidson and MGK, and his studio loft in Manhattan was nothing short of breathtaking. His process is unlike any other—he listens to your story and then creates a surrealist image that tells that story. I didn’t even see the design until I arrived at his studio that day, but somehow, it felt exactly like where I was supposed to be.
Snuffy is so open about his own recovery, and the experience felt transformative. As the needle buzzed to life and the first touch of ink pressed into my skin, I felt something unexpected: peace. The pain was manageable, almost meditative, and with every passing moment, I felt more certain that I was exactly where I needed to be.
The Tattooing Experience
The tattooing process itself was an experience unlike any other. As I sat there, I reflected on all the moments that had led to this one—the doubts, the struggles, the small victories along the way. I thought about the times I had let fear stop me from doing things I truly wanted. This was not one of those times. I was present, fully engaged, embracing every sensation and emotion as it came. And also watching the A$AP Rocky trial on CourtTV. 😆
A Permanent Reminder of My Strength
When it was done, I looked at my reflection and saw more than just a tattoo. I saw proof of my ability to make a decision and stand by it. I saw a permanent reminder of my journey—one that I chose for myself, with a clear mind and an open heart.
The design Snuffy created incorporated my story—how I have had to overcome and break free from so many challenging situations that very much had the power to take me down, but I kept rising above. It shows the beauty in all of it as well. The bottom is a soaring bird, and above it, a tension that represents the struggles I’ve faced. It is a constant reminder of everything I’ve been able to overcome and how I will continue doing just that as I step more and more into my own identity in sobriety.
Lessons from the Experience
This experience taught me that sometimes, the things we put off the longest are the ones that will bring us the most growth. If you’ve been considering something—a tattoo, a career change, a leap into the unknown—let this be your sign. You don’t need alcohol to make bold choices. You don’t need to be impulsive or reckless. You just need to trust yourself.
Building Trust in Yourself
Trusting yourself doesn’t happen overnight. It’s something you build, brick by brick, with every decision you make. Every time you listen to your gut, follow through on a goal, or step outside your comfort zone, you reinforce that trust. And when you look back, you’ll see a pattern of courage, a history of moments where you chose yourself over fear.
More Than Just Ink
Getting this tattoo wasn’t just about the ink. It was about stepping into my own power, embracing my choices, and proving to myself that I am capable of making decisions that matter. And that’s a feeling I’ll carry with me forever, inked into my skin and my soul.
Looking Back on How Far I’ve Come
Looking back on that day, I realize how much has changed in my life since I quit drinking. Before, I wouldn’t have trusted myself to choose a design, let alone sit through the process with such clarity and gratitude. Sobriety has given me a gift I never expected: the ability to fully experience life, without second-guessing my every move.
Encouragement to Take Your Own Leap
It’s been a long road to get here, and there were times I doubted I’d ever feel this sure of myself. But now, with every glance at my tattoo, I have a permanent reminder of my strength. This is more than just art—it’s a declaration of everything I’ve overcome and everything I still have ahead of me.
If you’ve been waiting for the right moment to do something bold, to finally take the step you’ve been contemplating, know that the moment is already here. You don’t have to wait for permission or for everything to be perfect. Trust yourself. Make the choice. And when you do, embrace it fully, knowing that you are capable of far more than you ever imagined.
Snuffy IG: https://www.instagram.com/snuffy.nyc/?hl=en
Snuffy Booking: https://www.snuffy.us/booking?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAabU2aDpcXNWl5WYly-jBi2QBhe5SopwQuri6gADCMxCubRXMVNy-qm6QTA_aem_BiX07u1gkaew7dzFHaf2ow
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