Raise your hand if you've ever felt overwhelmed as a mom. Now raise your other hand if feeling overwhelmed led to bouts of intense guilt. If both of your hands are in the air, you're definitely not alone. Whether you have one child or five, work full-time or stay at home, being a mom is hard. And feeling like you're not doing enough is a daily struggle for so many of us.
The never-ending to-do lists, long days caring for little ones, and constant demands on our time and energy can leave us feeling burnt out. At the end of those really tough days, it's easy to look back and pick apart everything we think we failed at. I didn't plan out weekly dinners. The house is a mess. I lost my patience with the kids. I didn't have enough one-on-one time with each child. I spent too much time on my phone. The list of perceived failures goes on and on in our tired minds.
Before we know it, we've spiraled into a deep hole of self-loathing and guilt. But does wallowing in guilt actually solve anything or make us feel better? Not really. In fact, research shows that guilt is a totally unproductive emotion that just leads to more stress and anxiety. We moms already have so much on our plates - we don't need extra guilt piled on top!
So how do we stop the guilt cycle in its tracks?
SO - Here are some strategies I've found helpful:
Recognize Your Limitations
We put immense pressure on ourselves to be perfect mothers, housekeepers, cooks, teachers, and more. But the truth is we can only do so much as one person with limited time and energy. It's unrealistic to expect that we can seamlessly juggle every role without anything falling through the cracks. Make peace with the fact that some tasks will go undone and your to-do list will never actually be finished. Accept your human limitations without judgment.
Lower Your Standards
Along with lowering expectations of yourself, you need to adjust your standards for what "good enough" looks like on a daily basis. Your kids won't starve if you opt for pizza one night instead of a homemade meal. They won't suffer emotionally if the house is messy. Aiming for adequate instead of ideal can dramatically reduce that inner sense of failure. Also - make sure you're not looking at unrealistic portrayals of motherhood on Instagram and comparing yourself to staged scenes.
Prioritize Yourself
As moms, we're amazing at prioritizing everyone else's needs but our own tend to fall by the wayside. But self-care is utterly crucial. Whether it's 15 minutes of daily mediation, an uninterrupted shower, or coffee with a friend once a week - make time for activities that reduce your stress and replenish your spirit. Not taking care of yourself sets you up to feel more overwhelmed and guilty down the road.
Ask For Help
Trying to do it all solo just isn't sustainable. Yet many moms struggle with admitting they need help and feel more guilt at the thought of it. But accepting assistance from your partner, family, or hired help allows you to share the load, meet your own high standards less often, and spend quality time with your kids instead of constantly cleaning up after them. Guilt prevents us from getting the support we deserve.
Focus on What Matters Most
On most days, the small things that add to our perceived failure really don't matter all that much in the grand scheme. Don't dwell on missed art projects or an unmade bed. Shift your focus to what truly makes a difference - like bonding with your children through laughter, empathy and life lessons. Children thrive most when they feel secure in your unconditional love.
Practice Self-Compassion
Beating ourselves up with harsh self-criticism and endless guilt is a form a self-abuse. Instead, we need to talk to ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding we show our friends. We all fall short sometimes. Choose compassion over condemnation.
Reframe Your Mindset
Flip the negativity switch in your brain. Instead of berating yourself for failures, acknowledge your victories. Maybe you read three books to your kids or managed to cook one home cooked meal. Celebrate the wins, big or small, because they matter. With practice, looking for accomplishments will gradually minimize the fixation on shortcomings.
At the end of the day, we all experience feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate as moms. But guilt is fruitless and only adds strain. If imperfect moments happen sometimes when you've given your best, have mercy on yourself. You're doing great - let go of unnecessary self-reproach and keep focusing on nurturing your relationships with compassion. I promise that's truly what your kids need most from you.
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